literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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