she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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