Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
