I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
