His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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