If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
