guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize