Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
