Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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