On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
