I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
