I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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