I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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