Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
