all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
