I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
