I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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