I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
