Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
