suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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