First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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