she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
