yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
