its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
