my being single is dangerous.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
