i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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