Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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