i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
