I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
