my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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