i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
