pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Randomize
