Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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