The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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