Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
