I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
