I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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