You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
