Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
