Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
