Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Mom said you looked used
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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