i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
