I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
