i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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