i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
