I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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