hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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