I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
