I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
