He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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