You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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