So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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