i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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