A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
