That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
