UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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