ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
