There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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