Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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