Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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