Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
