I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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