I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
