can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
